Mein Führer I CAN WALK

http://www.visual-memory.co.uk/amk/doc/0055.html

Cut to: Burpleson AFB, night, int, computer room. A phone buzzes.

Petty officer:

General Ripper, sir.

Mandrake:

to phone on his desk Group Captain Mandrake speaking...

Ripper sits at his desk, cigar smoke wafting up through the light of his desk lamp.

Ripper:

to phone This is General Ripper speaking.

Mandrake:

Yes, sir.

Ripper:

You recognize my voice, Mandrake?

Mandrake:

I do sir, why do you ask?

Ripper:

Why do you think I asked?

Mandrake:

Well I don't know , sir. We spoke just a few moments ago on the phone, didn't we?

Ripper:

You don't think I'd ask if you recognized my voice unless it was pretty damned important do you, Mandrake?

Mandrake:

No, I don't, sir. No.

Ripper:

Alright, let's see if we stay on the ball. Has the wing confirmed holding at their failsafe points?

Mandrake:

Yes, sir. The confirmations have all just come in.

Ripper:

Very well, now, listen to me carefully. The base is being put on condition red. I want this flashed to all sections immediately.

Mandrake:

Condition red, sir. Yes. Jolly good idea, keeps the men on their toes.

Ripper:

Group Captain, I'm afraid this is not a exercise.

Mandrake:

Not an exercise, sir?

Ripper:

I shouldn't tell you this, Mandrake, but you're a good officer and you have a right to know. It looks like we're in a shooting war.

Mandrake:

Oh, hell. Are the Russians involved sir?

Ripper:

Mandrake, that's all I've been told. It just came in on the Red Phone. My orders are for this base to be sealed tight, and that's what I mean to do: seal it tight. Now, I want you to transmit plan R, R for Robert, to the wing. Plan R for Robert.

Mandrake:

Is it that bad sir?

Ripper:

It looks like it's pretty hairy.

Mandrake:

Yes sir. Plan R for Robert, sir.

Ripper:

Now, last, and possibly most important, I want all privately owned radios to be immediately impounded.

Mandrake:

Yes sir. Ripper:

They might be used to issue instructions to saboteurs. As I have previously arranged, Air Police will have lists of all owners and I want every single one of them collected without exception.

Mandrake:

Yes sir.

Ripper:

And after you've done that, report back to me.

LS Ripper in his office, closing the blinds on wall of windows looking out at the base. Outside, a siren sounds.

Cut to: ext. Airborne B-52's with escorts.

Wildtrack:

In order to guard against surprise nuclear attack, America's Strategic Air Command maintains a large force of B-52 bombers airborne 24 hours a day. Each B-52 can deliver a nuclear bombload of 50 megatons, equal to 16 times the total explosive force of all the bombs and shells used by all the armies in World War Two. Based in America, the Airborne alert force is deployed from the Persian Gulf to the Arctic Ocean, but they have one geographical factor in common: they are all two hours from their targets inside Russia.

Cut to: int. B-52. Machines spring to life as a transmission arrives.

Goldie:

Major Kong, I know you're gonna think this a crazy but I just got a message from base over the CRM 114. It decodes as Wing Attack plan R. R for Romeo.

Kong:

Goldie, did you say Wing Attack, plan R?

Goldie:

Yes Sir, I have.

Kong:

Goldie, how many times have I told you guys that I don't want no horsin' around on the airplane?

Goldie:

I'm not horsin' around, sir, that's how it decodes.

Kong:

Well I've been to one world fair a picnic and a rodeo and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones. You sure you got today's code?

Goldie:

Yes sir, it is.

Kong:

Ah, there's just gotta be something wrong. Wait just a second, I'm comin' back.

Kong examines the decoded message and the code book.

Kong:

Maybe you better get a confirmation from base.

Goldie:

Yes sir.

Bombardier:

Major Kong, is it possible that this is some kind of loyalty test. You know, give the go code and then recall to see who would actually go?

Kong:

Ain't nobody ever got the go code yet. And old Ripper wouldn't be giving us plan R unless them Russkies had already clobbered Washington and alot of other towns with a sneak attack.

Bombardier:

Yes sir.

Goldie:

Major Kong, message from base confirmed.

Kong:

Well boys, I reckon this is it: nuclear combat, toe to toe with the Russkies.

Kong climbs back into the cockpit. Soundtrack: Battle Hymn of the Republic.

Kong:

Now look boys, I ain't much of a hand at makin' speeches. But I got a pretty fair idea that something doggoned important's going on back there. And I got a fair idea of the kind of personal emotions that some of you fella's may be thinking. Heck, I reckon you wouldn't even be human beings if you didn't have some pretty strong personal feelings about nuclear combat. But I want you to remember one thing, the folks back home is a countin' on ya, and by golly we ain't about to let 'em down. Tell you somethin' else. This thing turns out to be half as important is I figure it just might be, I'd say that you're all in line for some important promotions and personal citations when this thing's over with. That goes for every last one of you, regardless of your race, color, or your creed. Now, let's get this thing on the hump. We got some flying to do.